[Days 117-118] Vietnam sucks at first impressions

Hanoi airport. 11pm after the 2-hour time change. Already we notice how different things are, the differences between Japan & Vietnam versus America & Vietnam are astounding... big immediate culture shock—disoriented—clueless of currency exchange—gotta hostel name but no idea where it is relative to the airport, i.e. no idea how much we should pay for a cab: not good—in poor countries, locals feel entitled to your money, like you owe them something, and you should give them a ridiculous amount of money because you're a foreigner and 'wealthy'—we're exhausted, in a daze from the many changes, not to mention the plane flight, running on curious adrenaline from entering a new country... SOUTH EAST ASIA! FINALLY!

Go through customs and grab packs. Still inside international terminal, we see glass exit doors leading to public. A deep crowd of locals vibrate beyond those doors, staring through—taxi drivers standing on balls of feet with eager smiles, rigid men with awkward faces holding welcome signs (“Welcome to Hanoi Mr. Sciacqua”), families intently waiting for their kin, old lonesomes already jumping for arriving friends.

We're first to trudge through—automatic doors open, mug whooshes against my face—crowd explodes in yaps as a path parts, every eye fastens to us, every welcome sign points at us, a guy grabs my arm “Taxi?” so I push him. Then a kid age'd early 20s walks up holding a business card, he smiles “Taxi?” looks legit so I say Ya, Hanoi Backpackers? “Ya sure les go!” OK cool. Where's an ATM? “I take you der now!” OK cool, and he starts cracking jokes so we're all laughy drunk on bewilderment.

Follow him outside and ask the price, fully prepared to tell him to screw off. “40Km, 80,000Dong [US$5].” Total? “Ya sure! Vietnam cheap!” Great! We climb in his car and 2 local guys are there “Oh dees my friend is OK man, Backpackers righ' les go!” So off we romp and he's blaring house music—after the mellowness of Kyoto it sounds great, and all 3 guys start singing along and dancing, the driver is honking at the night, so we join in crazy laughing along. They stop and buy rounds of beer. How much do we owe you dude? “Ah no is OK Hanoi cheap cheap!” Cool thanks man! The kid starts raving about the local girls and clubs and invites us out for the night, enthusiastic for wild times we agree.

Beers finished now gripping empty cans, then the locals toss theirs on the racing by street. Woah man what are you doing? “Is OK man they clean street every night. You in Hanoi man! Is OK!” Whatever bro! So out they go onto the road and now we're in downtown and I notice litter n the gutters and sidewalk. Arrive grimey looking hotel with 'Backpackers' frost-painted on the windows... definitely not our hotel but we say SCREW IT! check in quick, ditch bags and re-enter car. 1AM. Off we romp again driver now raving about karoke bars & after Japan we're stoked for it, so we ride across this big bridge to a dark part of town, everywhere seems closed & the streets are deserted but they insist on a good place with great girls “BOOM BOOM!” realize they've been talking about prostitutes so we promptly chuckle to him we're not interested, say it's late and we just want some food, so off we go, return over bridge to main part of town, to outdoor market oozing cheap prices.

They order everything, explain the 5 of us will split the cost. Cool man show me some Vietnamese food! Beer and vodka gets ordered. Out comes 2 pots of boiling vegetables, spices, and plated raw meet. The guys start throwing fixings in pots, including chicken heads... What's that bro?! “Is OK man is good trus' me!” We taste the heads.. horrible but “when in rome” right...



Craziness carries on then guys present us the check... it's 4 million Dong. We drunk on booze and chicken-eye and don't understand the exchange rate. We do blurry calculations and discover we don't have enough—tell guys to cover the rest and they say they did, we say Must be too much and they say they'll call the police to make us pay.

Wake next day with a throbbing head. Outside out window is a ridiculous intersection, which turns out to be like most of the intersections in the country; completely chaotic and lacking any rhyme or reason at all...

Remember last nights debacle and sober calculations reveal we paid those f-f-f-fucking fucks US$300... we got hosed. GRAAH!

Later that day, after calming down, Bradon reads in Lonely Planet a warning that details locals doing exactly what happened to us. GRER. It hurts but teaches valuable lesson: natural roughness toward every local. In Bali we were kind and blindly sympathetic to poverty levels. Now we're cold-hard. Beggars, aggressive salesmen, bidding vendors... screw 'em all.

We check out and walk 45 minutes across town and see just 2 non-asians—like an omen this tattered backpacker walks up direct points to me “Go to Sapa. Do it.” Woah. Note taken.

The street scene is insane. Little shops posted up side by side everywhere; selling shoes, bags, candy, water, clothing and everything else imaginable! Vendors see our huge backpacks, give us curious glances and try to sell us their junk. Motorbikes rule the streets of Hanoi and Vietnam at large. Apparently about 5 years ago there were no cars at all in Vietnam, crazy right? Crossing the street is like a game of Frogger as literally hundreds of motorbikes charge as you without the slightest intention of slowing down. Like I said no one pays attention to the traffic laws, so there is no break in the traffic to let you cross the street. You just have to go, make eye contact with oncoming motorists and dont run; that is what we were told...gotta love SE Asia!!






Finally arrive hostel & the place is a westerner Mecca! It's run by Aussies & it seems every Hanoi traveler is there, not very 'authentic', but in countries where most don't speak English, and after last night's escapade, it is very comforting. Check in and fall into naps that grow into slumber as our first 24 hours in SE Asia settles in...