[Day 36] Cairnes Day 1: Sydney Rugby Players Are Ridiculous!

Our plane left Sydney at 9am Sunday morning. Rather than sleep the night before, we rockstar'd it up and partied all night— that flight was gawd aweful. Slept for a blurry hour. We arrived in Cairns at 11:47am and it was paradise hot. We hired a taxi to the hostel, checked into our 10 person room, threw on board shorts, and hit the pool...

IT'S A RESORT! There is a 25 ft waterfall emptying into the kidney-shaped black-bottom pool, surrounding which are palms and white sand! NICE! On the south side there's a massive bar/patio. We checked that out and were quickly greeted by a Sydney rugby team. All were joking and laughing and wearing the most ridiculous clothes, like Australian flags and boxer briefs... that's all. They seemed to be hammered from the night before.

A huge pale guy wearing a pink mini skirt was belligerently singing. He stopped and called me out: “Water! The hell ya drankin water for! Poe it on ya head! Poe it on ya head! Poe it on ya head and I'll give ya a beer! WATER! HELL NO H2O! HELL NO H2O! Poe it on ya head and I'll give ya a BEER!” Brad & I were delirious and laughing hysterically. These guys seem awesome! I dumped the water on my head and he swerved a drink at me. He then snatched my sunglasses and used them as a shot glass for his beer. Needless to say, that didn't work and he spilled beer all over himself. Then he peeled half a mandarin and slapped himself in the face with it. He was covered in beer and orange pulp. He turns to me and chuckled out “Hey what's better than eating a Mandarin! Christ look at the size of your nipples! Mine are like seashells and yours are like tic tacs!” He sang "big nipples little nipples big nipples little nipples aaaaah.” He flopped onto the wooden bench and turned to Bradon. “Whats better than eating a mandarin? Eatin Amanda out!” He slapped his friend in the face with the fruit, pounded another beer, and let his eyes glaze over in beligerance. “You're American are ya!... San Diego! Shit hole town! Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi! Drink anotha beer! Drink anotha beeeer!” He fills up our glasses. What the hell is going on?!

We eventually wander down to the pool and enjoy the spectacle from lounge chairs. The coach is 40ish, 5'4”, tattooed like a biker (skull and cross bones on the beer belly, pirate stuff on the arms, the whole nine); black handle-bar mustache complimented his blond Britney Spears wig perfectly. He swaggered around in an orange lifeguard speedo, found a massive lifeguard chair in the corner, barely made it up, and melted into an exhausted slouch. With a straight face and endearing tone he shouted at his team: “Hey girls! Make out! When are you boys gonna kiss? Look at the gay little boys! Hurry up and kiss girls!” He stumbled back down the chair and fell into the pool. The wig floated off but he dog paddled after it and pulled it back on backwards. He grabbed his pint of beer, poured it over his head, filled it up with pool water, walked over to a group of girls tanning in bras and panties, doused them, returned to the pool, filled up his glass, returned to girls, and doused them again. They laughed at him. This repeated several times. What the hell is going on!

An hour goes by and the team is totally HAMMERED. The littlest one found a yellow exercise ball. He screamed at an enormous teammate “LET'S GO!” and they walked to poolside-center, in front of the patio where the rest are drinking. Then, they turned away from one other, walked as far away as possible, and turned back. The little one brought the big yellow ball to his chest and screamed “GO!” They charged back and leaped chest-first over the water... CRASH! The little one gets launched back like a baby in a bounce house. SPLASH! What the hell is going on! We love Cairnes!

[unfortunatley this was all unexpected... wish I had some pics!]